Ode to Being Dramatic

Ode to Being Dramatic

Someone once told me that good things happen to good people and I’ve spent every waking second since that night praying it was true. But, it’s hard to be optimistic these days. All I remember is waking up with a mans hand in a place I did not consent to and my lips an unfamiliar shade of reddish purple like I had been beaten in the face with a bat. He was my best friend throughout middle school, my first kiss, and first heartbreak.

How could he do this to me? 

Did he?

No. Stop. 

I was asleep. 

It was cold that morning and I couldn't stop shivering. I was so scared but for some reason I didn't want to move. There, in his sweatshirt, I sat beside him on the couch as everyone slowly began to wake up. The blanket was covering both of our legs and I felt his hand as it crept up my thigh as if he had done it before. Everyone was awake and I wanted him to stop. But, I couldn't speak.  It’s as if my lips forgot how to move and the lump in my throat that had been there since I woke up grew ten times the size it was before.

If I was awake at the time, would he have stopped? 

Did he? 

Wait. No.

Nothing happened.

My mind keeps reliving those last few minutes before I fell into that stupid deep slumber. I remember him grabbing my waist and grinding on my body. I remember him kissing me everywhere but on my lips. I remember the aggression and force in his hand as he tossed me around like nothing more than a ragdoll. And I remember that my eyes were closed, pretending to be asleep so he’d stop. 

Did he get the hint? 

No. Stop. Wait. Breathe. 

I'm dramatic.

The next morning he did not look me in the eyes once. There was no hug goodbye or even an acknowledgement that I was standing in the same room as him. Later that day, he did not say a word to me as we crossed paths in the movie theater. When I texted to see if we were going to hang out once more before he went away his response was, “I just can’t be around females right now”. 

What did that mean? 

But no….

I was asleep. 

Nothing happened. 

I'm dramatic.