Ode of dependency

You sit solemn, 

sturdy and unmoved

by heavy crashing 

of my violent

waves 

churning and writhing 

through cascades of rain, 

yet you never falter 

still 

even as your own 

stone infrastructure 

crumbles into the mud. 

I draw nearer to you 

each time you sit by me, 

your magnetic laugh 

a birdcage for my every waking thought. 

You sit 

so close to me 

yet so far away 

your name sits

in my throat 

every hour 

every day 

I wish you would stay 

I wish I could sway 

with your own manic chaos 

and carry your burdens 

but mine sits upon me 

crushing my bones 

and I sink 

and I sink 

into pits

in the ocean 

canals of your name 

and your voice 

in my eyes

and my lungs 

and my ears 

even the silence 

we sit through 

grasping for words 

for connection

it pierces my ceiling 

at 3 am 

and all I can do is 

sit around

and choke down 

my breath. 

Your eyes are pitfalls

I dare not peer into 

for fear I might never

return back

beside you

i sit in the fringes 

my feet over the edge

looking up from that vast, 

starry abyss 

of you

my heartbeat punches

to the rhythm 

of deafening music 

my hands shake fiercely 

to the melody 

the tune 

and the lyrics 

white out my brain 

but never enough

to cover over 

the weeks and weeks 

of only you.

shit.