Ode to High School

I look up at the big glass door of my future

I blink hard as I see them shatter before me

And I think what if?

What if I don’t make it?

What if I’m hated or teased?

What if I can never see the light

On the other side of the tunnel

What if I become someone or something I hate?

Who am I? What am I?

What will high school do to me?

An ode to high school

From the overachiever

From the “nerd”

The one who’s “going to make it”

Who is held at such high expectations that when I fail,

I suffocate

Suffocate under tons and tons

Of stress, of disappointment, of tests, of quizzes, of grades

And my grades no longer talk they swear

And they scream at me “You’re better than this!”

And I can’t-I don’t want to hear it anymore

Make it all stop-it’s too much!

And ode to high school

From the ADHD ridden dyslexic

From the “slow kid”

From the self-entitled “idiot”

Who visits you everyday

But for what reason?

When I’ve already been set up

To crash, to burn, to fail

With your hours and hours

And years and years

Of meaningless test

That I don’t-that I can’t pass

With our continuous 90 minute classes

In which I’m forced to sit and listen

To hour long lectures

Being spilt out of the mouth of a teacher who doesn’t care

And I get anxious

And I can’t focus

And I fail…

An ode to high school

From the bullied

From the ridiculed

From the “losers”

Who spent most days trapped inside your lockers

Or being pushed against your rough and cracking walls

Or eating lunch in smelly and trash infested restrooms

The ones who didn’t seem to matter

The ones who were stepped on

Oh, but-we matter

And I will never forget the way you made me feel

You made me feel broken for being different

For being me

I hid who I really was

For you

I hated myself

For you

I used to ask myself, what’s wrong with me?

Why don’t you like me?

What’ve I done?

And I blamed myself

For you

An ode to high school

From the queer

From the “fruit”

From the “pansy”

Who was pulled and pushed

And whispered about

Day after day-with no escape

No escape from your elongated hours

Full of yells and insults

With your vast and empty locker room

Where I was cornered everyday

Day after day-with no escape

No escape from your homophobic student body

Who refused to just leave me alone?

Because I wasn’t hurting them

Why were they hurting me?

Day after day-with no escape

You and everything you’re about for 4 years

Day after day-with no escape

An ode to high school

From the black girl

From the, “Can you pronounce your name, again?”

From the, “Is that your real hair?”

Who has to walk through your white supremacy infested hallways and your classrooms

Which seem suspiciously akin to the segregated facilities of the 1960s

What year are we in again?

Why have we gone backwards?

Separate but equal, more like together but unbalanced

High school, where comments such as, “You’ll only get into college because of Affirmative Action!”

And, “You’re smarter than most black people!”

And, “You talk so white!”

And, “I’m surprised you’re not loud!”

Are comments that are acceptable and spewed everyday

Yet, I must remain unbothered

For fear of being coined the “black girl that can’t take compliments”

It’s here that I must exclude in order to be included

It’s here that I must remain mute when I hear white students throw around racial slurs

For fear of being coined the “angry black girl who takes things too seriously”

Because, of course, they’re only “joking”

Too white for the black kids and too black for the white

So where do I belong?

Where is my placement in this selfish and demeaning high school life?

Why do I try every day? Why do I work so hard for an educational system

That is wired against me to fail?

An ode to high school

From the introvert

From the “shy one”

From the “freak who never talks:

Who is forced to socialize

Forced to speak up in class

Forced to be a part of the crowd

When I simply want to cower in a corner

Even when it makes me nervous

Even when it makes me lightheaded and physically ill

But if I don’t do this, then what?

I fail a class?

You, with your teaches that grade solely on participation

Why do you hate shy kids so much?

So what do we do now?

This system isn’t made for everyone

Just the very few

An ode to high school

From the overachiever

From the straight A’s

From the valedictorian

It’s you that pushed me

To become what I am today

Successful, intelligent, well-rounded

It’s you that forced me to study so hard

For honors, accelerated, AP, and IB classes

It’s you that gave me to study and hardworking skills

That allowed me to land multiple scholarships

You held me to high expectations

And I met them

An ode to high school

From the ADHD ridden dyslexic

From the “one who overcame it all”

From the high school graduate

It’s you that helped me understand

That I must believe in myself

So that they can believe in me

And now, I’ve done it!

I got through your hours and hours

Of careless teaches

And your years and years

Of meaningless test

And I passed

An ode to high school

From the bullied

From the eccentric

From the different

It’s you that allowed me to gravitate

Towards people like me

The shoves into lockers

Pushed me into a better place

I finally feel accepted

I finally feel loved

Nothing is wrong with me

I know that now

An ode to high school

From the queer

From the self-confident

From the self-assured

It’s here that I learned the importance of loving myself

Even if no one else does

It’s here that I learned to fight for myself

For what I am

For whom I am

And I love who I am

An ode to high school

From the black girl

From the 4.2 GPA

From the “I made it into college without Affirmative Action”

It’s you that allowed me to see myself for who I really am

It’s here that I learned to understand

That I don’t need to exclude nor do I need to be included

I can just be

Too white for the black kids and too black for the white?

Good! I am my own person

And I have broken the barriers of the stereotypes that bound me

And I am happy

An ode to high school

From us

From the ones who didn’t give up

From the ones who saw the light on the other side of the tunnel

We look up at the big glass doors of our future

And we see them shatter and we think, what if?

And miles and miles of negative thought and questions flood throughout minds

But then we stop.

We breathe in and we breathe out

And we begin to piece together the broken pieces of the doors

And when we’re done-the doors are jagged and crooked

But they’re together

And in that moment, we know that we’ll be okay

An ode to high school

From us

The ones who overcame it all

Look at what high school has done to us