An Ode to my anxiety disorder
This is an ode to my anxiety disorder
I often feel like I can't breathe
Feel like the world is resting on my rib cages
I feel like I ain't mines
Like my body don't belong to me , never belong to me
I feel like the reply I gave to his goodbye wasn't good enough
I used to stay quiet
Cause my trembling hands would speak for me
Saying don't ask
Don't stare
I don't know if I'm ok
I move
Over there to avoid the questions cause hell I don't know either
I only remember what they say or said
I'm crazy , it ain't real it's all in my head
Mama says take a deep breath
I say and then what , wait for the teacher to ask if I'm ok and observe how my mouth doesn't move
It can't move
My father says I want attention
Says it's all in my imagination that I need to stop it
It won't stop
There is no emergency exit from my body
I take a trip to hell for 30 minutes at least 5 times a day
Anxiety turns Mo into Mahogany
Makes me think about how hard I smiled at the end of my last conversation
Stresses me out over if I should have walked with my right foot in front my left instead of my left over my right
When there is a constant conflict between your body and your brain your always and forever the person in the middle
There is no mediation
Your fingers are foreign objects that your body doesn't want anymore
and there is nothing you can do about it