An Ode to a Pitiful Christian in a Fool's World

Clandestinely cascading-- The entire, pitiful, centerfold That I consider to be a sympathetic heart Restless, in a trapped logarithm Circling around the innermost Dimensions of my conscience, My eyes remain open via torture Guilt upon being ashamed Feeling overwhelmed and overtaken By the lack of growth Leaving me feeling grotesque Thorough self-diagnose reveals what I already know The cruel reality that I have nothing to offer Yet I ridicule myself and pity my life-- A fool caught up in something false A voice disappeared from existence Because no real reason can be expressed All lies and questionable phrases Expel what I cannot truthfully express Why, oh why, must I cry Bitching and complaining while all others Are edified and strapped in armor Leaving me defenseless and left to die I want a sword to slay the beasts; I want a shield to force the evil away; Instead I'm given sticks and stones To fight off the words that kill me Judge me and I'm defeated I judge you, I'm a fag and murderer; Is there no equality or justice All I see are racists and dimwitted evangelists All the pressure and all the fires surrounding Leave me stricken with pain and guilt No chance for warning I cry myself to sleep and pray for rest Sleep deprived in full day's rest Unfortunately enough to stay awake With an ulcer burning inside my chest Why does it feel that everything is up for stake? Accept my selfish apology Cry over me and help me feel accepted Only you need to come to me Because I'm too lazy to help myself Shattered by what I can see I desire to know what others see in me Because all I can see are false assumptions and untold testimonies Which no one knows I created An admissions process in order to see my soul The select few need to sign a waiver For what they see is nothing but muck And a heart of darkness that doesn't give a damn All around parades and songs of merry I sit alone, desperate for something necessary I die on my own While others rise up hand in hand However, I wish to continue the sinful, depressing ode But my eyes grow dreary More pointless hours of useless sleep To repeat all I just stated.