An Ode to a Pitiful Christian in a Fool's World

Clandestinely cascading--
The entire, pitiful, centerfold
That I consider to be a sympathetic heart

Restless, in a trapped logarithm
Circling around the innermost
Dimensions of my conscience,
My eyes remain open via torture

Guilt upon being ashamed
Feeling overwhelmed and overtaken
By the lack of growth
Leaving me feeling grotesque

Thorough self-diagnose reveals what I already know
The cruel reality that I have nothing to offer
Yet I ridicule myself and pity my life--
A fool caught up in something false

A voice disappeared from existence
Because no real reason can be expressed
All lies and questionable phrases
Expel what I cannot truthfully express

Why, oh why, must I cry
Bitching and complaining while all others
Are edified and strapped in armor
Leaving me defenseless and left to die

I want a sword to slay the beasts;
I want a shield to force the evil away;
Instead I'm given sticks and stones
To fight off the words that kill me

Judge me and I'm defeated
I judge you, I'm a fag and murderer;
Is there no equality or justice
All I see are racists and dimwitted evangelists

All the pressure and all the fires surrounding
Leave me stricken with pain and guilt
No chance for warning
I cry myself to sleep and pray for rest

Sleep deprived in full day's rest
Unfortunately enough to stay awake
With an ulcer burning inside my chest
Why does it feel that everything is up for stake?

Accept my selfish apology
Cry over me and help me feel accepted
Only you need to come to me
Because I'm too lazy to help myself

Shattered by what I can see
I desire to know what others see in me
Because all I can see are false assumptions and untold testimonies
Which no one knows I created

An admissions process in order to see my soul
The select few need to sign a waiver
For what they see is nothing but muck
And a heart of darkness that doesn't give a damn

All around parades and songs of merry
I sit alone, desperate for something necessary
I die on my own
While others rise up hand in hand

However, I wish to continue the sinful, depressing ode
But my eyes grow dreary
More pointless hours of useless sleep
To repeat all I just stated.

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