Ode to a Wallflower

My bed is probably my best friend 

Because in the real world I tend 

To spend so much time 

On the wrong side of the spectrum 

At lunch I always 

Start to panic right before 

The bell rings 

Because some days 

I have no one to eat with. 

More often than nought I am phased 

By the phrase 

"You have so many friends" 

Because despite over 600 followers 

I can depend on only one for lunch. 

Because even though I have a big friend list 

I am still friendless 

In my dreams forever never seems long enough, 

so if this is truly all the time i have don't wake me up. 

I'm sorry , I know 

I'm being so desperate. 

But your glazed gaze 

Never could have guessed it, 

Yes, my heart is breaking. 

I'm sorry. 

Mom says to light a candle

If I'm afraid of the dark,

But the problem is I'm not afraid

I never was 

And It's not even near midnight 

but I still have the urge to 

Submerge myself in darkness, 

To purge in obscurity, 

What is left of me? 

I don't want this lonely life. 

Maybe it's because 

I have depressive tendencies  

Maybe it's because I 

Let Anxiety get the best of me

Maybe it's because 

I suffocate everyone that comes close 

They can't breathe 

Or maybe it's because

Air keeps seeping in 

even though I don't want to breathe again 

I'm sorry

Please hurry, I don't mean to worry you 

I know you have other things to do 

But no matter how wide my fingers stretch 

It will never be enough to catch the pain 

I want to heal 

It's hard to discern what is real 

From what I've made up in my head, 

He whispered and looked this way, 

He said, things about me

How could he? I bled for him

Or maybe I just misread this whole situation 

They don't understand the frustration 

I have when they ask me what is wrong

"What is wrong? Why are you crying." 

Don't you understand that I don't know

but I feel like I'm dying

I hate looking at myself in the mirror 

Because the reflection never 

truly reflects Who i am 

Mom says I need to get a bit nearer 

Teachers say to see a bit clearer 

But every time I come closer 

I can hear her screaming in my head 

I am not good enough 

Insecurity is the distant cousin 

Anxiety and Depression brought to the party 

But I am the party 

I am at a party I don't want to be at

So this time I can't leave 

They misconceive my silence for defiance 

But the truth is if I open my mouth 

My demons will speak for me, 

Nevertheless here are the unspoken

Words of seemingly perfect girl 

Let them soak in. 

I am broken.