oh no

Oh no, it's happening again.

I like to call It the wave,

Like a tsunami it washes over me,

And I have to hold my breath, because if I don't I'll fully submit and drown in it.

And before it comes, I have no warning.

No sign.

No feeling.

Just utter surprise.

My great grandmother once told me I was made of tough stuff. 

And ever since then I break even more when I think about it.

And oh no,

Oh fucking no,

Here it comes again, washing over me with the complete weight of the entire ocean's contents.

And it's cold,

I freeze in place every single time,

In a sea of people, suck attacks of the wave happen. 

But like a fallen tree alone in a forest, I make no sound.

Or do I? 

I pray to god that one day someone will hear it. 

That one day someone will understand. 

Because that's all I've ever wanted.

My intentions weren't to hurt

I promise. 

I just want to be loved.

To feel whole.

Like nothing can touch me because I'm so high in the clouds.

And then the wave wouldn't reach me.

C.b.