Oh Stephanie What I Would Have Said

I don't like being the center of attention. It's not my style, I prefer small groups, close friends, but a fun time nonetheless. I do not wish to steal your spotlight, nor make you look like a bad person. So how come every time something good happens to me, you have to ruin it. "You are so needy for validation" "you definitely have the victim mentality." "Oh really? you fount that hard? I thought you were smarter than that" All you did was hate me. And i still loved you like a sister, even when you treated me like i was an inconvenience, even when i asked if you okay. I asked you for help once and you forgot about your other duties. Your shortcomings are not my burdens t bear. I'm not a punching bag for when you fuck up. you were crying, of course i would ask you, but instead you yelled at me. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE ALWAYS SO FUCKING NOSY" If you needed space I'd understand. If you were angry because you didn't want to talk, id understand Even if you yelled at me again when you were upset I'd understand. I was having one of the worst days of my life when you were sad, but i didn't tell you to shut up, we all cope differently but you never acknowledged how you treated me. in fact, you were mad at me because of something YOU forgot to do. You would complain about how much I 'nag' when others are upset. How its anoying how worried i get about others Saying that my emotions are irrational and get in the way. you are my natural opposite, calm, detatched and acedemically inclined, purely logical, obviously youre a human, but me? I'm a sensitive person, but I always looked up to your intelegence. Why did you have to treat me like a child who hasnt seen the real world. I know how hard life can be, but i also know how great it can be. My optimism, my ability to communicate with others, my desire to help others. You hated me because I had what you did not understand. You werent straightforward, you acted like my friend, threw in a few comments here, a few there. Whined about how dumb other students are. Then complained about how anoying I am when I ask for advice, or just need to talk. I was never talking to you, Stephanie, you were just listening to me anyway. How dare you. Disrespect me then try to be my friend again. I didn't want to believe how cruel you were being, it wasn't obvious, you were just honest. right? But the longer i thought about it, the more a pattern emerged. Yu got mad on Halloween because i came along and the other girls were more energetic with me, than you, and im sorry. I know that hurts. When I got complimented in class about my knowledge you made a 'friendly' critique about my character. It hurt so bad. But i thought i was crazy, all anyone ever said when you cried about others being too dumb or things not going your way, or when you were just plain mean. "Oh that's just how Steph is." Was I ever going to be valid to you, Stephanie. I REALLY wanted to be your friend, I thought you were cool, drama free, but no. You were just another mean girl. But I forgive you, because you don't deserve a spot in my heart. I'm not angry or going to hold it against you, It just hurt. You aren't my friend, but you are someone i care about, and you are so smart. But being smart alone is only half of success.