My depression feels like so many things all rolled up into one.
At it's worst, it is overwhelming sadness and a certainty
that I am not good enough and that no one could
ever really love me.
It feels that no matter how hard I try, I will never be worthy.
It's an emptiness inside that can't be filled.
I feel tired with no energy to do anything. At the same time,
I feel as though if I don't keep moving the blackness
will swallow me whole. I cannot summon the strength to
get up and do something. So I stay stuck in this black hole
that I can't climb out of.
I eat, sleep, and go to work because I have to.
Nothing brings me pleasure.
At its best,
I am still a little tired but I feel like spending time
with friends and doing things.
I find pleasure in emotions again.
I still have a voice inside whispering that I'm not
good enough but I tell her to shut her hole and live my life.
I know I am loved and try hard to remind myself of that.