Ok

I try to pretend.

that im ok

but something will scratch the surface that sends me back

back to my semester of hopelessnes

back to the days when my mind tormented and broken

back to when my friends where drugs keeping me from what i should feel

back to when a knife hit my wrists and i contomplated being around, and then using my drugs, my friends as esuses to stick

back to when there where tears every night knowing i had to get out of bed again.

back to when a shower was a safe place, each one requiring a hour at a time.

back to when my parents lost all support they could give blinded by my grades and not my well neing

back to when breakfast was out of my vocabulary 

back to when starving when you get back home was normal

back to when burning homework was a ritual

back to when i was ready for death

back to when i didnt have a place to spew my words of affliction

back to when hell was home

back to when summer was freedom in a bigger cage 

back to when chrismas was a holiday i no longer enjoyed 

back to when the meaning of hopelessness was a synonim for "normal"

back to a dying carer

back to highschool.

back 

back

back...

god im hungry.