One Day

I want to one day wake up not in pain, For my children to understand I'm not insane. I would die for more energy, I would love to feel the way I once did. Never in a million years did I dream I'd be dealing with this at such a young age, I'm too young to be suffering w/ arthritis, anxiety, insomnia, chronic back pain, PTSD, and self esteem issues. I'm too young to be emotionally, physically, and mentally tired. I'm too young to be wanting to collapse after just getting up, You will never understand these feelings. I'm too young to have this many bad days, And I hate them with a passion, I also hate being asked how I feel or not being asked at all. Why am I being misunderstood or no one understands at all. Why me, I am way to young? Even though ultimately I know these are the most difficult questions to answer. I should be out enjoying life to the fullest, Being a happy mother, with two of the most special boys. Instead I find myself questioning why me, and why this? I find myself watching and listening to others, And figuring out I'm too exhausted to keep up. Most nights I lay awake trying to forget the harm done to me, Trying to forget what hurts the worst. Trying to remember I have to be strong for my son's, I lay awake praying, crying, and watching my son's sleep so peacefully. When I finally do feel asleep, I am haunted and reminded, Of fear, hurt, pain, and feeling unwanted. I hardly ever sleep long anymore. If only I could get a full nights sleep, Then maybe my daily struggle will escape one day at a time. Then just maybe this all would seem a little easier, and I can come to terms with letting go. This is a huge hurdle I've been dealing with for quite some time, So it's all I know is pain, hurt and disappointment. I'm going to get through this one way or another. Everyone keeps telling me time heals all wounds, And I know God will bring me through. Everyone says they can relate to this hurt, or pain or even a disorder, Please don't assume you know the way I'm feeling. Pain does not need to be seen it is felt, And honestly it is ripping right through me everyday. I don't need or want your meaningless lectures, Listen with all your heart. Tell me you care and want to know more. I need comfort, support and prayers. Understand its the emotions not spoken that are longing to be listened to. I am a courageous and I am strong enough to get through this, I have two little ones depending on me, and if my life don't matter There's does more than anything else. They need their mom and I need them, I am loved by many but love them too more than anything. Some days I am drained entirely, And constantly being pushed to explosion, Whether you believe it or not, I have a purpose, and we are all fighting for something. Here I am only reaching out for help, I want to wake up one day and all this pain and suffering be gone.