One Foot out the Door

Sophomore year, a new school

new classmates to impress, I have to make myself seem cool.

A fresh new beginning, the limit is the sky

there's really no reason for it, but I stay up at night and cry.

I lack motivation, and I disappoint my parents

I never say anything because my problems seem transparent.

I missed 48 days

fourty eight days!

But I didn't care about attendance, and certainly not my grades.

I persevered through the year, made it to the next grade

but if I wanted to graduate some changes needed to be made.

Things at home started to derail

I didn't know how I was going to prevail.

I was drowning in my thoughts nightly, things were weighing on my mind

"Your mom and dad are on drugs" surely wasn't what I visualized.  

17 years old, I had to grow the hell up

and there was nothing I can do, because it was all so abrupt.

Everything overwhelms me, and I get mad sometimes for no reason

when winter comes around it’s easy to blame it on the season.

but how do you explain a teenage girl crying all summer because her heart has been broken by her daddy and her momma?

Everybody is in my ear telling me that I need therapy, I need help they all say

so fine, take me to the therapist, it won't take the problems away

Now I'm a senior. graduations coming soon

everyone's excited, but I'm about to face my doom.

How can I pay for college with no support from my parents?

Why did this happen to me of all people, I don't understand it.

I bit off all my nails again, incase you were wondering

not because I wanted to, but it's better than suffering

I talk about my problems to my friends and my teachers

"anxiety sucks" they say...

Yeah, anxiety sucks everything out of me until I feel,

nothing.

I'm lonely,

I'm surrounded by people but my anxiety tells me they hate me

I get a new boyfriend, but why does he date me?

My anxiety says I don't deserve love, that i'm stupid and useless

stupid and useless, yes, that's what I am

I hide away in my bedroom, I stay away from the fam.

To my anxiety there is no fix, there's no breaking if off

It's like a puzzle that you always think you're almost finished with, but it will never be solved.

There's no cure to my mess, no stopping my stress

but if there's one thing I know, it's that I'm trying my best.

That's all I can do, there's really no more,

look out world, i'm coming,

I'm one foot out the door...