One Must Love

It’s funny, when asked by most, one would assume the hardest part of heartbreak is blame: the reason, who to blame, and what it entitles. For me, it was the when. Until this very day, I am unable to tell you what broke, what triggered the loss of love. I will tell you however, there are no words to define the emotional toll it takes on a young child. The incapability to comprehend, to sit and describe such emotions to a counselor, to break a naïve mindset in order to adapt to such circumstances. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. I remember vividly, sitting in a car with my father, as he vaguely tried to explain just what to expect. I remember his hefty hand laid on top of my small hand, as his voice trembled. For the first time, I saw my father cry. A man who has never let the world see his tears regardless of difficult times, shed such misery. For the first time, I held my father as it were the last time. For the first time, I saw my father perish from heartbreak. It was here I understood what could make a man, walk away from his mind. For here, his drinking validated his sorrow. Until this very day, I am unable to tell you what broke. All I can tell you is, in the matter of love did forgiveness prevail. It was a question of time, a matter of space, a rite of passage. It was under a pall of misery did I learn that I relied on love, it has been a graceful curse ever since I looked into my father’s weary eyes. For here, I learned that you mustn’t lose it. As I grow older, I’ve come to love with all my might. As I grow older, I’ve found someone to love. Until this very day, I am able to tell you, I did not allow the loss of love dictate my perspective on love. Love. Love with all you can​.