One by one

The first was touchy, hands on

I let it be thinking love was just physical 

We made up pictures in the clouds on recess summer days 

I was curious 

Then he came along

We spoke no words, just fingers that typed at 2am 

I blame him for the permenate destrustion 

But is it really his fault?

I couldnt aee it then 

As a kid I ignored it 

I felt family, friendship

I was wrong

I was nervous 

It lasted about half a second 

My eyes watered, my hands wrapped around his neck to hide the expression on my face 

He wanted more 

I dont know how to say no 

His lips were dry like desserts Ive never seen 

He played too much 

But inviting me in, "this is my girlfriend"

then i wish i was see thru

How i wnated to disaper 

March break, i forgot all about him 

I felt akward 

He was 6 feet tall and wanted ro rake what im holding onto 

I was looking for feelings 

Havent been properly loved I was crying out 

He left 

I watched him inhale flavoured water, after he kissed me like he knew me 

Again and again and again 

What a fairytale I lived in 

They werent love 

Though I repeated the words I love you like the breath i intake 

One I blame the other i hate 

I think of all the 10:00 meet ups 

Hours spent texting and home visits 

All hugs, kisses, tears and blood shed not forgotten but left behind 

Just because i wnated to feel

Something, anything 

I wnat to say hello to love 

Welcome it, invite it in and thats him 

Hes different 

A artist while im the blank canvas he tries to paint 

I say hello and he responds 

He is real and mellow 

He comforts me 

He is the outcome out of all