One Year Ago

September
One year ago I looked at you and said you'd better not fall asleep on me. One year ago I called you at 3 am to make sure you were awake and then I sat at my window with my phone clutched in my hand as we watched the eclipse in our separate homes, but together. From that moment on I knew, you'd be trouble, you'd break my heart, but I jumped in anyways.
One year ago every time I looked at the door I was waiting for you and you always came. You came for me.
October
One year ago you sat with me in a coffee shop and we talked for hours until she came in and you needed to talk to her because of your history, because at one point you loved her and I left because I couldn't watch but then ten minutes later you called me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive. You poured your heart out to me and i did the same.
One year ago we hiked to the top of a mountain at midnight in the freezing cold to see the star illuminated and to see the moon cast its luminescence over town. You told me how this was your favorite spot because it was a big screw you to the government and it made you happy that we held a festival each year to celebrate it. You told me of your old love, of how you would have jumped to the base of a cliff with her if she asked, of how you had to push her away to make sure she would be happy because you believed she couldn't be happy with you. You took me for hot chocolate and wrapped your arms around me for the first time and it felt like home.
November
One year ago I asked you what do you think your life would be like if we had never met. You told me "i think I'd be sadder" I said I didn't think I made that much of an impact and you said "I'm here to tell you you're wrong"
I blessed every moment I spent with you because I knew you could go away at any moment and I'd never see you again.
You took me into the mountains to your secret place. There was a clearing with no light pollution where all you could see was the stars and all you could hear were your own footsteps crunching in the snow. We laid on the ground together even though we were both shivering because of the cold and watched the Milky Way twist above us. We drove back and I fell asleep in your car as happy as I had ever been. Happy was a distance hope before I met you.
December
One year ago you took me into the city to see the Christmas lights and we talked about life and philosophy and the stars and moon and our dreams. We listened to your favorite music and sang along. We raced through the IKEA parking lot laughing our asses off. I searched forever to find your favorite book so I could give you the perfect Christmas present but I didn't want you to know how much I cared so I told you I just happened across it. I wrote you a note that encapsulated everything you'd ever told me about your fears and your nightmares. I just wanted you to be happy. You were the first I told when my grandfather died the day before New Years. You came over and we played trivia and cards against humanity and I got tipsy off champagne because I was nervous and all I wanted was you.
January
You left. I stayed at your party until 2 am even though I had to leave at 6 am for my grandpas funeral and when I left you held me so tight I felt like the only thing in the world was me and you and I knew everything would be alright.
I called you and we talked on the phone for five hours until you fell asleep and began to snore over the phone and I was forced to hang up even though all I wanted to do was lie next to you and listen to you breathe all night long. All I wanted was your voice.
February
We talked on the phone again and I asked you every question I could think of just to get you to stay on the phone. You say my name and the way it sounds rolling off your tongue makes me feel like it's the most beautiful name in the world even though I cringe when anyone else says it.
March
I called you but you didn't answer.
I told you how I felt. I didn't tell you that I loved you even though I did. You said nothing back.
We planned to meet for coffee when I came to visit. You swore that "unless by some godly intervention" we would meet.
You cancelled on me.
I am here. But you lied and you're back home for a week.
You told me we shouldn't talk anymore. You don't want to be friends.
April
I miss you. I've cried myself to sleep every night since that day. I broke down in class for the first time since freshman year.
May
I need you. There's so much pain in my life and I need you.
I sent you a letter apologizing, you unfriended me
June
I am gone, I am living my life and bettering myself. I have moved on but you still creep into my mind
July
I am home again and everywhere I look I see you. I can't be here anymore. It hurts too much.
August
I am leaving for college. I need to get out to start over. I need to forget you
September
It's been a year since I met you. I am sitting in my room alone. Staring out my window and watching the eclipse. I am trying not to remember but I can't. I am thinking about the night on the rock where you told me about the girl you loved. How you had to push her away because you cared about her. Is that what you did to me? Is that why you left? I loved you and I know that now, i couldn't admit it then because it hurt but I can say it now. Maybe not out loud. But I can say it. I don't know how to not miss you. I've tried so hard but I loved you. And you left me. I feel the ghost of your arms around me, the way you held me that last night, how our noses brushed against each other and we laughed. How you walked up to me when I was standing alone and put you arm around me and whispered in my ear. I remember how we cried laughing over some pun only you would laugh at. I still wonder what you did with that book, with my note, if you kept it or threw it out.  I remember how we got caught in flurries of snow and we ran down laughing until we got to a coffee shop. I remember how any time we would finish one thing you'd look at me and say "things don't have to end here" and we'd continue. If you loved me, then why'd you leave me
It's a year later and the eclipse is over.
Things don't have to end here

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Christanpark

This.. This is amazing. It automatically reminded me of my ex boyfriend whom I haven't talked to much since a year ago and I miss him. Although I have a boyfriend, he always creeps into my mind.. And it sucks. 

YamsMartinez

This  was really good!! it really touched me, keep writing (((-:

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741