To the ones I’ve hurt

I’m sorry that I can’t always be happy

I’m sorry that I can’t always smile and laugh

I want to be happy and I want to let things go but there’s this deep darkness burning inside of me. It feels empty , it feels dark , it feels impossible to over come and difficult to understand. My past should not define me yet it always finds away to live through me , every single piece of me is built from the mess that created my life , i come from a broken home , a family with no love , i feel all theses feelings of what things should be yet they aren’t it’s like no matter how hard I try to change my life to become successful I’m followed by the abuse of my emotions and memories. I try so hard to find peace but I’ve yet to find it no matter how hard I try to fake a smile it only last so long , I can go so long feeling like I’ve actually done great things and then one day I wake up and it’s like none of it ever mattered and I don’t want to feel this way I don’t want my past to follow me into my future but I can not escape the things that make me who I am and one day I hope I can find that peace where both my good and bad days can live together in harmony but it hasn’t happened yet and for that I’m sorry to the ones I hurt , in my days of despair and the ones I let down in the days that I can’t find the will to care I want to be happy but for now I’m just settling in until the day finally comes.