Only Memories

I remember hearing their laughter as I walked

Faint, carefree

I remember the sunlight through the trees warming my skin

Shadows of the tall grass and brush, a soft gray blanket

Carelessly tossed on the dirt path ahead

Mid-step the winds shift and the grass dances, out of control

Thousands of sharp green blades waving violently in my direction

A sense of disquiet

The cold wind makes me turn my head down and to the side

I take a few steps and stop to look up at the sky

Dark clouds

Rain drips on my check. Cold

I shudder

My feet feel as if they’re sinking. I lose my balance and fall forward into the mud

The smell of wet earth offensive, overwhelming

I roll onto my back. Storm clouds race through the sky

My eyes close

It’s not so loud anymore

They open

Rain drops fall on my lips and leave muddy streaks

My eyes close

Suddenly fatigue rushes through me

I feel the energy draining out of my body, washed into the earth with the rain water

I didn’t realize how cold I was till this moment. No strength to open my eyes

I try to raise my arms but they’re so heavy

My shoulders strain and ache from the attempt. I stop

My clothes soaked, I try to move my legs

Everything is too heavy

Helpless

A tear of frustration instantly replaced by cold rain

I start to sink. Slowly

The voices from earlier return

I hear them to my left, they don’t notice me

The mud reaches my ears and their voices become muffled

The rain now just dull thuds as they hit the earth around my head

Claustrophobic

The bottom half of my body underground. I calm myself

Deep breaths. The rain makes it hard to breathe

I try to call out to the voices

I open my mouth and it fills with mud

I spit it out choking

Gritty sand crunching between my teeth

The sound amplified

Fear takes over as I breathe my final breath

I feel the mud rise, cold and wet over the rest of my face

I sink

Terrified

It gets even colder as I continue down

I’m shivering uncontrollably and the pressure in my ears keeps building

Pain

I wince and clench my hands into fists

I hear a loud pop and then silence

Unimaginable. Indescribable

Complete silence

Never again will I hear my children call for me to hold them

Never again will I hear the peaceful breathing of my wife as I lay with her in bed

Sorrow starts to wash over me like a gentle wave

It reaches my knees and then pulls back into the sea, dragging me with it

What started as a wave becomes the entire depth of the vast, unforgiving ocean

I am so lost in this sadness that for a moment I forget my surroundings

I forget that I’m sinking farther down into the depths of my cold, muddy grave

I tell them in my head how much I love them and say my farewells

With the acceptance of my fate comes a calm

I don’t feel cold anymore

I don’t feel much of anything

Just peaceful

Like the feeling you have when you lay down for bed and wait for dreams to come take you away

As my body continues to sink, my soul begins to drift

No longer am I bound by my ever-sinking mortal body

In this eternity I wait for the ones I love