The yells echoing from the very thin walls of our house. The scream of a frightened child as she watched her father kick what seems like the only thing she had left from her mom. The mom who she hasn’t seen in months. The words that made her cry “ I don’t give a shit if you cry,” The constant screams, the constant tears. Tears flowing and splashing with the intensity of a river. The crying for what seems like forever, next thing you know its an hour later and nothing has changed. The crying had not changed nor the outrage. 2 years later, nothing had changed, 4 years later, nothing had changed. 6 years later, all the same. The frequency of it all increased over the years spent time here. It was the frequency that struck me. The same frequency made me realize that I wasn’t happy anymore. That's when I realized I wasn't happy there anymore. Through the vicious yelling and the drips of my tears made me realize I wasn't happy anymore. That was only one of the two important things I had recognized that very night. The other being that what made me happy was my mom. She was the last reason for me to shine a very real smile, no not fake on you use to be polite, but a true smile. A smile so bright it makes the sun jealous wishing that it could be ever as radiant as that smile. It was the smile. Yet, It was her. It was always her. From the way she talked to the way she would cry, she was always the one. I can't believe it took me so long to realize this. I was lying to myself for so many years saying to myself “You are fine here,” The problem is fine doesn't define how I am with her because she was the one. The only one.
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