an open letter to all the boys I've loved

You were the first, the first man I loved, the first to hold me in your arms and make me feel like nothing could go wrong. The first to look at me like I was perfect, the first to make me feel truly safe. But You taught me something too. You taught me that a father’s love is not perfect, you taught me that I could disappoint you, you taught me that I could fail, and you taught me that sometimes my best efforts just weren't good enough for you. For a long time, I thought it would just be me and you, that my little heart would forever strive to only please you, but 6 short years later, your love brought the next boy into my life. 

       You were perfect. You made me smile when I felt like I did not deserve to be happy. You were mine, you shared my blood, my love, and my father's eyes. You looked at me like I held the world in my hands. Like I was the only role model you would ever need. I believed that the time I spent with you were the happiest I would ever be. 

       Then came my first schoolgirl crush. The boy I believed I would marry one day, the boy whose opinion meant the world to me. I looked at you as though you were my knight in shining armor. You looked at me as if I was just another girl whose emotions you could play with. I learned something from you. I learned to guard my heart, I learned that sometimes my heart is wrong. You were the first, the first to show me that not all boys wanted what was best for me.

The first to break my heart. The first to make me wish I could never love again, the first to make me doubt that the next boy even existed. 

       You are the only. The only one to ever hold me in your arms and make me feel like I never want to leave. The only one to show me that my heart is not wrong. The only one to see my fears, my insecurities, and my faults, and not only love me despite them, but love me because of them. The only one to make my heart skip the moment I see you. You do not look at me like I am perfect, you do not look at me like I hold the world in my hands, and you do not look at me like I am some game or some prize to be won. You are not like them. You, you are the only.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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