the otherside of AA

he rolled on top of me and pressed his weight upon my body

You are my adrenaline.

he whispered into the darkness that separated our faces

quietly setting  me ablaze.

moments upon moments – different, yet all the same – burned in my mind

from the times when i was his favorite addiction.

acid, crystal, alcohol, cocaine

i was all of it

 what he needed to feel alive

until he decided to clean up

call it cold turkey

because just like that, the thing he used to believe was his life

– beginning and end –

became precisely the thing he avoided  in efforts to save himself.

to protect his life from the chaos which encompasses me

you often hear the success stories of recovering addicts

how they finally kicked that ugly habit.

but please understand that, although ugly, we aren’t all bad

i never intended to ruin his life

it wasn’t out of hate.

 i was in love with him

and i don’t think anyone has yet to realize just how much

 addictions crave their abusers too