Our unspoken Relationship

This is my story...

 

From the beginning, I was being lead on

You had a thing for me; you were out to get me

I mean as a child I wouldn't think to have to react to a feeling this strong

I laugh today thinking that I never remember a day where you smiled at me

A day when you hugged me, looked at me and said you loved me

It's like I'm invisible to you as you are to me but that's not how I want the case to be

You feel me? 

It's like looking at a cold stone wall with no emotion, feeling , no commotion about how great I am to you or you to me.

Every time I try to please you, you betray my efforts and release me right then and there. As if I never seemed to deem you worthy of my breath and my duties in which I cater to everybody but you. 

It's a lie! You've never really stopped to open your eyes and see what you've got in front of you, 

Can't you just look inside?

Look inside of that thing you call a heart, a soul, a brain for that matter and tell me why you are so bitter cold- 

To me. Have I done anything to rid you of your existence that Allah holds as a whole?

Have I dismembered your ego into bits and pieces of which you can never regain the story that is still left untold, of your past ur future ur present?

Look at me! 

Please look at me! 

I'm tearing my heart out to you! 

Is it too hard to sit in the same room as me and not have the pain and agony etched onto your face making me think that you're mad at me; that you hate me?

I'm sorry 

I'm sorry 

I'm sorry

For what I've done

For what I'm doing 

For what I will do

Nevertheless my apologies will never be accepted by your ill fated heart

Your eyes just turn glassy cold when I'm near and I get that I'm not wanted . Is it possible to live with someone for 13 years and not have one decent conversation about television, school, religion or me?

Ya Allah I would give away a lifetime worth of sleep just to see you smile at me. To watch you hug me to watch your lips say I love you to me!

But in the end, it adds up to this-

Silence. 

This seven letter word sums up our relationship and non existence to each other. I don't hate you, I just hate your dismissive attitude. 

You know, I'm still laughing at the fact that I don't ever remember a day where you genuinely smiled at me. For that I hate you! I hate you from the bottom of my heart and never wish to see you again! 

But yet again, that's all being said from a heart torn girl, so I don't really mean it

Please forgive me.  

I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Ironically that love doesn't exist but a steel wall that hides us from each other, never allowing us to see the real us. 

I wrote this for you dad. 

So you can see of how I really feel.

Yet I'm laughing knowing that you'll never ever know me and I'll never know you and you'll never hear me tell my story of our lives ...