Outgrowing the Pot

From seed, to blossom, to rose. 

How fast they said I’d grow. 

Out of my pot, out of my shoes. 

Out of the nativity I used to know.

Marks on the board.

Numbers rising in weight.

The truth never quite hitting.

Until it was too late.

If I looked in the mirror. 

All I saw was a Child. 

But never the Adult.

The differences too mild.

When I first began to panic

I was only fourteen 

My body said I was a woman

But my head screamed I was barely a teen.

To many problems 

Not getting the right therapy 

Choosing all the wrong ways 

Just to get some clarity. 

Ran away once

Ran away twice

They say three’s the charm. 

But the results weren’t so nice. 

I envied Peter Pan

And stories of never land. 

Never growing up.

That was the ending I planned. 

I’d never reach twenty. 

Though how I didn’t know.

Suffocating in too many thorns.

That I had to learn to grow

So when I finally escaped.

Still alive and breathing. 

I felt like more Alice. 

Insane but heart still beating. 

Saw through the looking glass

And for once saw a grown up. 

Who made it through the trauma.

Finally had my glow up.

I made it through the rabbit whole

Still a lost boy at heart.

With no home to run back to.

Maybe that was really the plan from the start.

Ive outgrown the pot.

My vines spreading wild. 

A rose fully grown.

And no longer a child.