Overcome

Dear Broken Memory, 

After everything was over,

I forgot,

I pushed away,

I lied about the memories.

Sometimes, I would think like I was like everyone else.

But sometimes memories can seep through the cracks, 

No matter how much you try...

I wonder how different I would be. 

If nothing would have happened. 

Maybe I would be more confident. 

Maybe I would be more bold.

Maybe I wouldn't be as guarded.

Maybe I wouldn't be so uncomfortable when they're around. 

Maybe I would have more drive. 

I've struggled to admit that anything has happened.

Looking in the mirror, sometimes I have to remind myself,

It can't be undone, you can't be reborn, but you can keep going. 

See Broken Memory, I've also started to remind myself of other things. 

They way I love being around my family, 

How it feels on a summer day with a slight breeze, 

Being around my bestfriend and telling them how funny they are, 

How I fight with my sister but in an instant we're laughing together like nothing happened,

The adrenaline I have when slamming down a volleyball, or making a basket,

The satisfaction of when I finish a drawing I liked, 

How giggly I am when I'm with my favorite people, 

The love I feel when all the family ia around each other,

The hugs Nana Winters gives me when I'm sad,

And how I know God is always with me, even in the good times. 

No matter what memory seeps up behind the wall of repression, I can face it now. 

I've lived with these memories but its taken me until now to realize 

I've been beating them since the beginning

Despite them, I've pushed on 

I love so many things, I want to do so many things, I want to travel, to love, to be around the people I love the most

Despite ALL that you did to me!

Despite all the you are doing...

You may remind me, randomly, of what happened,

But I will always have people to love me, and to tell me everything is okay.

And now I can talk about it, talk about you.

I can vent 

I can breathe

Despite all the anxiety, depression, the sadness, the heartbreak, the betrayal.

I choose joy 

I choose the joy any day 

And so what if I can't ever forget you? No one would be able to. 

Now, I don't choose to forget. 

I choose to remember.

To remember all the good I have .

While you seep out of the cracks, little by little. 

The good memories that I love spill over 

They overcome you, ten fold 

You make the good memories so much better 

They help me realize 

Even with you, I am strong. 

Bold 

Beautiful 

Kind 

and determined 

I have overcome.