Overcoming Your Bullshit

When you left, I began to hate everything:

The way the sun rised, as if nothing happened,

The way the rooster still crowed, as if it I actually wanted a wake up call,

Even the way the people around me still laughed, as if everything was okay.

I stayed in bed-miserable,

I cried in bed-constantly,

I layed in bed-contemplating,

I _____ in bed-_____-and...

I remember the way you use to hold me,

Your arms wrapped around me like a blanket around an innocent infant;

That’s how I felt- innocent.

The way you whispered to lull me in your trap.

For three years I fought, forgave, and forgot.

I listened to your lies night after night, and you still convinced me.

I screamed your name night after night, and yet still wept with you.

I told myself night after night that every couple did this, and I still stayed with you.

Sometimes that’s all i think about, the negativity.

No one prepared me for the endless ache I felt, not only emotional, but physical.

That isn’t what I want to think about anymore,

I want to try to remember only the positivity.

I don’t want to do this because I still love you, even though I do still love you;

I want to do it because I want to be in love again-

Not with you, not with some other guy,

But with myself and the world I live in.

When I was with you every day was a blessing,

I miss that-

The smile I felt grow on my face when the warm sun rays beamed.

The way that I reflected every negative thing into something that didn’t exist.

I miss smiling, laughing- just being happy.

I miss the way I looked forward to school.

I miss the way I looked forward to wake up.

I miss the way I looked forward to --to everything.

I want to fall in love with the sun and his warm feeling rays,

Because all I feel now are cold rays of agony.

I want to fall in love with the people around me,

Because all I feel now are the cold blank judgmental stares.

I want to be able to dance to the radio,

To hum and sing again.

I want to be able to wake up with a smile on my face,

To greet each day with a warm welcoming.

I will get there,

No matter how much bullshit you put me through.

I might be a heartbroken girl now,

But every heartbreak ends with falling in love again.