Pain is a flood

I have an unhealthy addiction.
I think that’s why
I subconsciously refuse to evolve.
I don’t know
if I’m too afraid to change,
too proud to admit I’m wrong,
or if there’s even a difference.
I can feel myself
floating into the Ether…
I don’t know
if I’m comfortable with that
or not.

I feel so broken all the time,
with no clue how to work
on picking up the pieces.
It’s like treading water;
sometimes, everything is clear
and you see the beauty around you;
and then sometimes,
you’re drowning.
I find comfort in the phrase,
“Just let me die”
and that absolutely terrifies me.

I have a hard time
discerning reality from fantasy,
the root cause of most of my problems.
I answer only to myself
and the angels and demons in my head.

(“Growing pains” is a misnomer.
“Growing agony” is more accurate
because this is the most painful thing
many of us have experienced up to now.)

Pain is like a flood.
It starts off slow and then,
you’re drowning.
The worst part?
I feel every drop.