PAIN: My Long-Time Friend

When I was young I was taught to love,

To give, to comfort and to make laugh.

I was taught to say gratitude and blessings;

To have faith and to create my dreams

I was taught to be patient; to be kind and to forgive.

But the best teacher is life and it taught me to grieve.

I wish I never said, I wish I didn't.

The most regretful are the things you did.

I wish I tried, I wish I did.

The most painful are the things you never give.

When can you say that you've tried so hard?

When you succeeded? Or when you're tired?

Do happy endings really exist—

Like in fairytales and in movies?

I never know how this story ends

Is it innocence? Or ignorance?

The clock struck twelve and everybody left

The lights go out and I feel dead.

I'm stepping on dried leaves, memorizing how it sounds,

Humming a song, I smile as I walk with bounce—

I'm heading North, wish to find home.

I admit sometimes I feel alone.

When I enter my room, I saw it was empty

But longingness will only make you feel lonely.

Distracting myself, I looked from behind

It's too dangerous to play with your mind.

Hoping it'll save me or rather kill me,

Better defeat it or it will defeat me.

I have learned to live in the dreams;

There's a mountain top where aches I could scream.

I've been broken so many times,

I'm being covered with scars

But I can't and wouldn't hide

I'll let you see it—don't have to try;

It's like a house full of Ivy,

Will you see it as ugly? Or you’ll see its beauty?

I'm not afraid to walk this path again

Because I'm prepared for your coming—

My friend, we met again—it's been a long while;

The memories of him still taste like bile,

I can't help myself and I choose to taste

Hoping to see a smile on my face.

I just force a smile until you couldn't see it in my eyes;

The unforgettable ones are the untold goodbyes.

Am I meant to be left and forgotten?

What else should I let go, when all was taken?

I make myself numb until it couldn't show

Become friends with pain rather than a foe.

I cried not because he left

But because he said he wouldn't leave.

I bite my lip and swallowed it

Searching a way for relief—

I'm in pain, but for you I'll took the blame

If this is what it means to be happy, then I am.