PAINFUL TRUTH

A man, a single male has changed me forever. This man told me I was beautiful, worthy of love, he told me I was extraordinary and precious. 

I did love this man. I loved this man like a father. He believed me when my family said I lied. He appreciated me when no one else ever did.

So WHY, WHY, WHY, did he take my dignity away and shout to the entire world that I am a shameful dirty, disgusting human. Why did he rip my dreams from me?

When this man took control of my body, the one and only thing in this world that is completely and utterly mine, I disintegrated away from loving myself, nurturing the body, from being able to recognise who I was. 

This man taught me:

SEX is a bad word, it is when a human invades yours body and tears you apart just like a broken heart.

SEX is the furthest thing to love, it is simply a mechanical movement of the body to achieve something for someone.

SEX is aversion, full of disgust, repugnance and hostility. It is all about the man.  

I hate myself for being so ignorant. I cannot forgive myself, I cannot let go of what happened. I cannot not accept that the man I thought would die for me treated me so violently.

He treated me like a caged animal forcing my back down, ripping my clothes of and telling me this is what was meant to be.

I am voiceless, feeble and empty. It’s hard to say, it’s hard to write but I am a girl who was once raped. What does that make me?