My garbled news congests online highways.
crashes with people I never see,
contact through fragmented ideas
and a thoughtless day’s details.
it’s almost like we’re there together
but then again it’s not like that at all.
I type a sad reminder
As breathy blunders crawl around me.
Buried heads show themselves,
kept safe in sludge.
And when I’m at my computer buzzing
A cotton headed reef hangs over me.
I stare at the screen telling me who I am.
My profile picture shows me at a party
I am obscured in photograph,
face slumped in shadows
while my nose bleeds yellow from the light of a lamp.
Body tarnished with dashing colors
Scared blues flicker on my eyelids
They smudge my serious glimpse.
It’s late here, the party has caught my glow.
I look like an orchid, strange and beautiful and like someone else.
someone might only know this orchid
they might think it’s me.
But this is the fallen logo of a woman.
Milk mashed face poured onto a screen
Humming a song of electric nothing.
Is this what they all want to see?
Maybe you, maybe you
I know you could love me through this mesh.
I thought maybe you might like me this way
static and soundless,
but I always look good.
there are places where I always look the same.
My proof to the world
is this softly woven image
it carries bruised memories,
Tangles them together,
but I am more than these images show, I am less.
I am sitting here real,
the internet disguises shyness so well.
My damp worried skin
Wrinkled fingers, broken clothes, all of it
Sturdy without self sifting.
My hair like polluted water.
I wake up with bugs,
Fall asleep with blood stained sheets,
Dream of wild things,
Dance with girls I shouldn’t touch.
they say only my bones make an impression.
I’m not the swan I portray.
I am dirty.
I stand up crooked.
Without these illusive images,
I impress my mazed mind
with drapery carved around my frame.
My clothes still help to show what I can’t always say
Clothes keep me buried,
I am the same illusion,
I have my own way of being who I wanna be.
We give the world an image of ourselves that we design.
gathering and glowing in different places
We filter our skin because the world doesn’t protect us.