My soul is trapped inside a barbed wire box
and I cannot breathe
The skulls in the closet of the back of my mind sneering
I feel like a stranger trapped inside my own skin
and when it comes to belonging I am not akin.
My thoughts are dirty
and my mouth is a zipper
I don't belong.
Like the last autumn leaf,
my hand trembles
I want to hold her hand but
what if the Cheshire-cat eyes of the paper people see
And it makes me not want to be me and
Sometimes I have to suppress a scream
because I'm choking inside of this box.
Their looks spit on me like acid--
my skin burns
My best friend tells me to leave the room
because she is uncomfortable getting dressed in front of me
The girls in class whisper snake hisses
and my skin curls
I am sorry.
Censorship can lead to one's insanity
with replies of "Someone,"
to questions of "Who do you like?"
in crystallizing fear of revealing your true self
must use gender-neutral pronouns
must zip up the lewd lips
must keep everything to myself
my identity is encased behind a prickly piercing fence
where nothing lies but a phantom attached to pompous puppet strings
and underlies my raw self clawing to the surface
screaming for release from this prison of dark secrets
no wonder closets seem so claustrophobic.
my voice is trapped behind my zipper mouth
and I still don't know what this life is all about
But I can't help but become enraged
because why must my soul be locked in a cage
and I don't know why the caged bird sings
Filtering your true colors to appease others is exhausting--
I tell you, it's exhausting
the Bob Ewells accuse me of leering at their daughters during gym class
when I was only trying to find my red sneakers
I want my Boo Radley to save me from the Arsenic rumors and cyanide looks
I need my Atticus Finch to defend me and tell all the pestilent paper people that I mean no harm.
I am only trying to burst my soul free
from this barbed wire box
but I am afraid
I am just being me.
And I apologize but this just might be my destiny
and I want to cut all the wires and finally be free
Rip off the zipper
This is my American Dream.
Please don't break my wings
when I just learned how to fly