Panic Attack

Engrossed in her favorite magazine, Chloe felt relaxed. She took a certain guilty pleasure from famous lives revealed to her, as if in secret, in gossipping jest. One interview after another, the celebrities came to life, as a human statue finally moving in a sudden gesture of appreciation. Comfortable, her legs folded behind her, she lay on her bed. Mindlessly flipping through the pages became a means to meditative state, numbing her brain to focus on various singularities.

As she avidly read, glossy pages of gorgeous, thin models popped out from the vibrant paper. “Celebrities are just like us!” the magazine exclaimed, printing perfectly photoshopped actresses going about their daily, mundanely extraordinary lives. Page after glossy page unabashedly displayed long-necked, wrinkle-free, post-cellulitic perfection. Chloe looked down at herself, went to the mirror, and was disappointed. Celebrities can’t be just like us; they’re more like the Greek Gods. Chloe became filled with self-loathing.

Just then, she was reminded of the homework she had been avoiding. 20 pages of outlines, an essay and the usual math homework. She started the trek back to her room, but stopped;

There was also a major project due,

Her mom wanted her to clean her room too.

Practice her instrument, do a science report,

And, for her club, had a spreadsheet to sort.

She’d be calm, and start work on her laptop,

But, to her dismay, the Internet had stopped!

There was work to be done, but how could she start

With tear-filled eyes and a sinking heart?

The latter, which beat ever so loud,

Made panic ensue like a wasp-filled cloud

Her mind was now racing, swarming with fleas;

The emotion and stress made her drop to her knees.

The prospect of work gave a feeling of dread

Crying, she went to lay down in her bed.

What was once a haven for untroubled peace

Now became the place anxiety would increase.

There seemed to be a rhinoceros herd

That trampled her like an invisible bird.

She felt defeated, squashed, beaten, and stumped,

As hopeless to work as her back was slumped.

She couldn’t be Jennifer, Rihanna, or Angie,

But didn’t that make her an inadequate pansy?

Did anyone love her, for sure and for real?

How could they, when she lacked vital sex appeal!

She wouldn’t get to college; her classes, she’d fail,

She’d do something terrible and end up in jail.

Her life was laid out, she was sure of it then;

She would amount to nothing like a force-fed hen.

Her breath was now strained, her heart now racing

Was she imagining out-of-room pacing?

Closer and closer the hurried steps came

If the footfalls had Chloe’s room as their aim,

Would calm come in time or would she be ashamed...

A knock

Silence

“Hello?”

The door creaked open. A face popped in;

Heather, her partner on the report to begin.

A friend since preschool, “I can’t face you now,

I can’t work at all; I forgot how.

My brain is infested with insects of various types,

My heart and soul full of assorted gripes.

Brainpower rotting and in disarray,

I can’t seem to focus; you really shouldn’t stay.”

“Of course I’ll stay, I’ll be your support.

Tomorrow is also the deadline for the report.

We’ll work together; we’re such a good team.

Our work will make the teacher beam with pride. But right now, you need to calm yourself down. I’ll be right here, holding your hand. Breathe in as deeply as possible. Now breathe out all of your air. Just focus on your breath. Shh. Take your mind to your favorite place. You are alone there and you’re breathing, that’s all that matters.”

Chloe’s heart rate slowed. Her breath began to even out, with the occasional hiccup from the crying.

“Let’s go for a walk. You could use a little exercise and fresh air. I heard it releases endorphins.”

She calmed herself down as they walked around the block. They reminisced and laughed together, Chloe’s mind moving further away from the previous chaos. There would be chaos in the future. However, right now, she focused on the love she had access to that would help her in the long process of healing.