Panic Attacks

I’m trying too much, I’m

Fighting too hard.

I can’t see, or hear, or speak,

Only scream silently

As tears build up, drowning me

With sadness and self-doubt.

I call out desperately, but

No one is here. No one is 

Coming.

I am all alone, which is 

All I ever thought I wanted.

And now that I am, I am

Starving for a face, 

A sound, a figure in the distance

Calling out my name, telling me

To hold on, to stay afloat.

But no one is there 

As my own tears fill my lungs

And poison me

From the inside-out.

I am silently screaming 

And fighting 

With every painful, shuddering

Breath, but it hurts 

And I just want it all to go away.

I want to stop hurting.

I don’t want to cry and 

Hate and love too much.

I am slowly giving up, 

My hope and joy are gone.

My lungs ache, and I’m done

Fighting, desperate and lonely

And done with playing 

Pretend. 

I think this is the

End.