Papa's Validation

Come on daddy,

Come play with me,

Come play football,

Come climb a tree.

We can play,

Goodies and baddies,

I'll be the goodie,

You be daddy. 

Didn't always want to play,

Had to sort stuff out,

Divorce proceedings, 

Got left out. 

Then weekends visiting rights,

Play time some more,

Sometimes a water fight,

You knew the score. 

Then other times,

You shown me how to be,

How to rip someone off,

I was only young then see. 

I learnt to scam some more,

Credit card,

Benefit fraud,

Learning the criminal law. 

What about,

Playing, 

Laughing,

Having fun?

This was your speciality,

It went by a different name,

Adult version,

On the run. 

Got shown no version,

Masculinity,

Trying to find a role model,

Will watch TV.

Then mum died,

You moved back in,

Who is this stranger in my house,

Don't recognise him. 

Girl friend a plenty,

Came and went,

Playtime played no more,

That came and went. 

Turn to sport,

Enthusiastically,

Loved the adrenaline,

Athletically.

Wanted to perform,

Gymnastic's too,

This meant spending money,

You couldn't see this through.

Didn't know what to do,

Tried to get your attention,

Many a lady,

Got all your attention. 

Switched off,

Emotionally,

Switched off,

Trying to please thee.

Lonely in a world,

Without my mum,

Lonely in a world,

Without anyone.

Tried again,

To demonstrate,

Performing at school,

You always were late. 

Promised so much,

Make it up to me,

Promised so much,

One day I'll be free. 

Got taught no version,

Masculinity,

Had to make many mistakes,

To grow into me. 

Joined the army,

Bigger family,

Did very well in basic,

Best recruit and at sport me. 

Saluted in front of Colonel

So Proudly,

Marched back in uniform,

Am a soldier see.

Tour of Bosnia,

Peacekeeping mission for me,

Many a sight I seen out there,

Tragically.

Represented the Army in boxing,

Heroically,

Got a great record,

Still never said your proud of me. 

What was I do to,

To get you to recognise me,

What did it take,

You must be messed up internally.

Later started my own company,

In Property,

Even gave you a job,

Stupidly.

Couldn't help your pikey ways,

Always cheating,

Told you to get out of my way,

Embarrassingly. 

Now your an old man,

Looking back,

At your life,

Regretfully,

None of your kids,

Want to know you now,

Your mistake,

Stupidly.

Don't hate,

Or despise you,

Best thing to do,

Move on with out you. 

Needed you then,

As a child of ten,

You need us now,

Think of me when I was ten.