Paper Doll

The night that I missed you too much
I listened to poetry in one ear
                             and rock and roll in another
And found solace
In being dumb and decidedly
                                              Not-A-Grown-Up

The night that I cut away a lock of hair
From behind my ear and shaved a cross into my head 
I laughed because 
                she smelled like cigarettes
and I wanted to be a Buddhist

I told you I loved you with the strongest conviction
4 hours after I noticed that maybe it wasn't love
Maybe I'm your guitar strings
                                              and paddle
Maybe you're yellow and make
                                                me numb
(at least my mind)
                              But it isn't love.

I cried and cried and cried
Over the body
               soul
               mind
               face
               words that I would never have

And you folded up
Until you disappeared