Parental Figure

Dear mom, 

I try so hard to forget you exist

though i cant help but remember

the way you drank your beer

or lit your cigarette

or introduced me to a new boyfriend

each time I got used to the last

I try so hard to believe you

when you say you miss me

though i can't help but wonder what exactly it is you miss

the defeated look in my eyes

each time you spit your drunken words at me?

the way i pushed myself against the wall

each time you walked in my direction?

or the way i told you i loved you every day

despite the fact that you didn't say it back?

sincerely, your daughter