The Parts He Took From Me

There is an intro to this poem. The poem has absolutely changed my life by taking the darkest time and rearranging it into something just absolutely beautiful. I struggled with so much at a young age. This is a part of my story, I hope you enjoy it. 

This is the poem that I’ve been wanting to write for a very long time

I’m sorry

I’m sorry for when I was little and everything was pure beauty

The Mud

The dirt roads

The friends I thought held my hand through dark roads

As my dad lifted every single one of us

To a new place

To a new smell

No mud

No dirt roads

Pavement

With dead grass

I

I tried to fit in like a round piece fitting in a square box

I

I couldn’t fit into what I wanted

Copy and paste

Carve and cut

I

I was bright and bubbly and smart and skinny

I

I was pretty

I

I was outgoing

I

I didn’t mean

I

Stop this is too fast

I

I tried I’m sorry

I

I didn’t

I

I mumble

I fall

I didn’t mean at all

I am in love with art and its beauty

But everyone seems to ignore the ugly

The ugly beauty

The ugly pain it took to create the masterpiece that you delicately hang

I

You

Me

Us

Everything seems too small or too big

The main point is

I don’t fit

I love colors

Like how purple imprints on my skin

How red marks are delivered upon my smooth surface

With bruised memories and red marks of the ugly truth

I

I am sorry for being in love

I’m sorry for searching for something to love me

I know I know parents and family and friends love me

But what I’m saying is

As I open my legs

As I open my heart

As I open my mouth

As I open me

And what’s inside of me

I get hurt

Once I see a blonde beauty on tv fall in love with Prince Charming I tend to think they are imprinted on the jerks I tend to be falling for

I open myself

And I tend to lose control

And no thank you I love being in control

But sex doesn’t fuel me

It hurts me

Because I flashback to once it completely destroyed me

It was dark

It was fast

It was easy

And it didn’t last

We shared blood

We shared a life

I gave you everything

And in the end I look at my palms and there’s nothing

I look at my father and think

He just wanted a son to raise

He just wanted a big brother for us to be safe with

Fast forward to when I’m 16

He got what he wanted

So did my ex

But I only gave him what he wanted so I don’t see the words come out of his mouth like baby vomit

I thought it filed the hole

I thought it would fix me once and for all

I have what they all wanted

And I’m still empty and my dad still decides to say to me

It’s a beautiful thing once you find the right one

It’s a beautiful thing once you find the right one

I plucked my flowers with thorns

And I’m still as empty as the first one