Past, present, future

At the time I looked to the past, many years had come through, I grew in different shapes and hid my feelings in them. I, me, myself am so confusing, not knowing what I am, searching for an answer in the darkness and brightness, I have a balance of power and a weakness of doubting. Death is my answer of life, death my key to survive, I seek for my death hoping a change comes from it, for me, death is the gate where the soul goes free, but I seek the same death to let me free. My life will be long on this world and my soul will be in it.