Paul Ryerson’s Blues

For so many years I have been struggling to find my inspiration Throwing up my hands so many times in frustration There was always a black cloud hovering over me And from this storm, I didn’t have the skill set to set myself free I would wrap anxiety and depression around me like a blanket and that was my biggest sin I was afraid to come out but equally afraid to let anyone in I always thought people didn’t like me or were out to get me Despite all of the positive reinforcements I got, from these thoughts I couldn’t break free Grief over my parents death and workplace injuries were triggers that made things worse I thought my life had no meaning, my efforts were like polishing a turd Negative thoughts were always getting the best of me And I just didn’t possess the tools to set myself free Help was found for me when I was going through a rough patch But I felt the people that were helping me were masking a good laugh A Chaplin in a hospital told me that I was better off dead I never told my family because I feared retaliation from him if I disclosed to them what he said I recovered from my injuries and my anxiety and depression began to settle down But when things would get bad again, they would always find a way to come back around I was afraid to ask for help, of asking the wrong people, coupled with guilt and shame It seemed like there was always bad weather in the forecast, everyday looked like rain Anxiety and depression are tough, both take away your joy and your best qualities You end up just going through the motions, faking it to make and that becomes exhausting When you suffer from anxiety and depression, it seems like there are no answers, nowhere to go But you are going to have to push your way through the rough patches, if you’re going to find your way back home I had to stop being afraid and ashamed and realize that this was a problem I could fix I had to stick it out this time, there was no option to quit It was then that I realized that these issues ran in the family It was evident in the generation before me and the generation after me But it’s up to you, only you can make the change to get help There are good people in this world but than can help, but only you can make yourself well But you must not push people away and try to fight anxiety and depression alone These are the only ways you can live your best life again, so please don’t give up hope From Fool’s Gold and Fool’s Paradise Copyright 2026 Resisting Distress Publishing