The Pea...and the Princess?

Once upon a time

That’s how the story always goes, no?

Star-crossed lovers save each other

Save the day

And they all lived happily ever after

Once upon a time

A prince sought a princess

For only a princess could he wed

Or so said dear old mum and dad

Once upon a time

The prince searched the kingdom for the love

That only a princess could bring

He looked high

He looked low

He met beautiful princesses

Wealthy princesses

Intelligent princesses

But how could they be real princesses

When the prince felt no love at all?

Once upon a time

The prince returned home, discouraged

He went down to the kitchen

For a comforting cup of tea

That’s what he told himself, at least

The real comfort came

Always came

From the perfect kitchen maid

Once upon a time

A lady-in-waiting gave birth

To a perfect baby girl

But no one paid much attention

For the queen had birthed a baby boy

That very same day

Once upon a time

The babes grew up together in the castle

Each admiring the other

But never allowed too close

The years passed

And the boy became a man

A prince

And the girl became a woman

A kitchen maid

Once upon a time

The kitchen maid always looked forward

To the visits of the prince

He trusted her

She trusted him

And so she told him of the plan

Her mother had heard from his

Princesses would eventually come to the palace

Hoping to win the heart of the prince

And when each princess came

The queen would place a pea beneath her bed

And if the supposed princess slept poorly

Then the young woman was indeed a true princess

Once upon a time

The prince was horrified

His mother planned to choose his bride

Based on a small...vegetable?

Seed?

What was a pea, anyway?

Never mind

If he could choose anyone

Truly anyone

To wed

He would choose the young woman before him

The kitchen maid

Or could she be a princess…?

Once upon a time

The kitchen maid arrived at the castle gates

In the pouring rain

To the front entrance

Through which she had never walked before

Once upon a time

The king let her in

Allowing the young woman the chance to prove herself

The kitchen maid

Dressed as a princess

Went to the guest room

And slept poorly the whole night through

She felt nothing beneath her mattresses

No pea

No vegetable at all

Not even a seed

As far as she could tell

But she was terrified

The prince’s plan might fail

And she could lose him forever

Once upon a time

Morning came, and the queen

Pleased with her plan

Asked how the young woman slept

‘Quite poorly indeed’

The young woman said,

Adding a few words

About how there must have been a lump in the bed

Just for good measure

Once upon a time

The queen clapped her hands

‘A true princess!’ she said

Not bothering to question anything else

About the young woman before her

But rather

Declared with enthusiasm

‘My son will wed at last!’

Once upon a time

Many years after the wedding

Once the kitchen maid and the prince

Had made the queen a grandmother

Many times over

The prince’s wife whispered

Into her mother-in-law’s ear

‘Truth be told

I was not a princess when I wed your son

But a princess I will forever more be’

And they all lived happily ever after