The perfect student

Everyone looks at me like I'm perfect,

I earn the best grades and make the most friends.

My parents are proud of everything I've done,

And the school commends my hard work,

But nothing is real anymore.

I am not perfect.

Everything keeps changing at home and at school.

People come and people go,

While I’m left here alone.

I try to just throw myself into school and study until

I get only a handful of hours of sleep at night but it doesn’t help.

I am still not perfect.

My family falls apart and everyone turns on each other,

I want to go to college far away not because it’s my dream school,

But because I have to get away.

My school has turned toxic to me and it’s hurting more than helping

The one person who understood me is gone,

I know I am not perfect.

To the teachers who don’t understand me:

I have earned every A I have received,

I volunteer every weekend out of my own desire,  

I am in almost every extracurricular possible because it’s important to me.

But what you still don’t understand is:

I am not perfect.

I am scared of people and am unable to look others in the eyes,

I have extreme anxiety at the thought of being touched,

I spend so much time away from home because I feel so alone.

I just need someone to look at how hard I have worked and say they are proud,

Not of my accomplishments but of me.

How is this perfect?

Do you not understand that you try to build me up while looking down upon others?

You judge them for making bad choices or not being “perfect”,

But is that what you think I am?

I try so hard to please you and you turn a blind eye to me when I need help.

You took away what little stability I had left and soon, you too will see,

Top Ten or not, I am not perfect.