Be skinny

But not too skinny

No man likes to hold a twig

Have curves

No, not there

Only in the hips

What do you mean you can't control where your body fat goes?

Don't wear makeup, you're more beautiful without it

Besides, you're lying to me when you wear makeup

Because women are obviously born with winged eyeliner

Why don't you ever talk?

God, woman, when will you learn to shut your damn mouth?

Be smart

But not too smart

You wouldn't want to show me up and crush my fragile ego

Be independent

But not too independent

I have to control you somehow