The Perfect Word

I used to say that "love" was not a strong enough word to describe my feelings but that it would do for now.

I could go through the dictionary and look up a hundred synonyms to describe the feeling when I looked at him.

Adore

Cherish

Yearn

Pine

Lust

Want

Treasure

Worship

Awe

Burn

Desire

Passion

Wonder

I could go on.

I could search endlessly for days, months, years.

Devote my life to finding the one perfect word to describe the fire in my stomach

The pounding in my chest

The swell of tears in my eyes.

I promised myself and him that when I found that perfect word I would say it

Over, and over, and over

Again, and again

Until my voice ran out

I would scream it for the world

I would whisper it just for him

I would die and that word would be the last breath to escape my lips

Discovering that perfect word would be my life's greatest accomplishment

As I spent my time flipping through pages

Diving into oceans

Digging through dirt

Scouring through the darkest crevices

Endlessly searching for that golden treasure

He just stared.

With the most point blank, absolute look he could muster he watched

I could feel his eyes burning into me so I looked up

"I found it." he said

"The strongest way to say I love you."

With pure dumbfoundedness I looked into his eyes

The anticipation rising like an ocean wave ready to crash down on top of me at any moment

Waiting, waiting, waiting

To hear that word.

The one I had searched the planet to find.

I needed to hear it.

Desperately my ears aching to have their longing satisfied...

Silence.

I started to think maybe that was the point.

Maybe the word I was looking for wasn't a word at all

Maybe it was the way his eyes met mine

The way his hands felt against my skin

The way our lips hugged each other in the perfect kiss

Maybe it was the way the universe seemed to be packed into the beautiful moment of silence we shared

And when I finally began to understand.

When I finally saw what he saw and realized it had been right in front of me the whole time...

"Goodbye."

Silence.

Confusion.

Pain.

And before the noise could escape my lips

He was gone.

This poem is about: 
Me

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