The Performace

People can only judge me as far as their eyes can see

But no one really knows the real me

It's only safe when I can see their smiles on me

They can't know what I don't tell them and can't see what I don't show them, so really I can't blame them

They say “trust me”, but I'm not that naïve

I can only trust them as much as celebrities trust TMZ with their privacy

Not that any of these facts are new to me.

If I say the wrong thing they get uncomfortable and leave, but these are the same ones who told me, “when everyone leaves, don’t worry, you will still have me.” 

They can’t know there was a time I was dying inside

Only you could see me on my knees begging you to change me

Only you could see the times I cried and each time I bled

They can’t see all the nights I wept and all the thoughts I chose to keep in my head

Only you know all my victories and failures

 All my desires and embarrassing pleasures

Only you know all the days I prayed pleading for brighter days

It is you that knows how perfect and imperfect I really am

I can’t send you the same cropped and edited beautiful me that people on Instagram and Facebook can see.

When I run, you follow me

When I hate, you love me

When I’m depressed, you inspire me

Knocked down, you raised me

Rejected, you accepted me

I sinned, you forgave me

Lord, this is why I love you.