That Person

The first knock at the door, curiosity.

Gold stars badges with an unfounded look of grief,

Wait a minute, isn’t your job to save the day?

Heroes who rescue kittens and small children from trees, trusted.

But here your stand, before me, 14 years old, changing my life.

Shaking legs from the weight of your words, unheard still.

Standing a foreign concept, collapsing.

Silence creeping over me, such loud silent screams.

Make it stop! Thought drowning in an endless sea of silent shrieks.

Silence growing louder and louder, unbearable.

Quiet agony revealing a broken world.

Piece by piece, reaching down,

An endless treasure hunt, with no reward.

Unspoken words filled with venom, only a bottle of jack could fix.

spiralling down a drain I never thought I would be.

I’m not that person, I’m better than that.

I can stop whenever I want. Just after this next bottle of corse.

One more, just one more isn’t enough.

I can still hear the voices saying  you're not good enough anymore.

You’re not pretty enough, you're definitely not tall enough, you're just not enough.

eating ? Oh yeah, I had some grapes the other day. I’m not hungry.

A beer? Oh course, just one more.

A hit?  Yes please, maybe this will help.

Maybe this will silence the silence and i’ll finally get piece too.

Oh what’s that, medicine, well I  am feeling a bit run down.

Little by little washing away, scraped across a washboard.

I still can see you through the endless haze,a fog that's never lifting.

Wearing a mask of perpetual disappointment, I am not better than this anymore.

I am that person. And I can’t stop whenever I want.