Petrified

I am petrified. 

I wasn’t always;

It used to be different.

It’s going to be different soon.

And that’s why I’m petrified.

I’m good at school.

My classmates tell me I’m smart.

My grades would agree.

Then why?

Why am I lost?

Everyone asks me the same question:

Where are you going after this?

I still have no answer.

I’m used to knowing things.

Hydrogen has one proton.

Poseidon was the Greek god of the sea.

Encontrar means “to find” in Spanish.

Yet I don’t know what I want to major in.

I don’t know what college would be best.

And I’m petrified.

I have a special someone.

He’s not handsome to the world,

But he’s handsome to me.

He and I share interests;

We share food;

We share feelings.

Yet we differ in a way that only matters now,

At this stage in life.

He is one year my junior.

My life is only mapped out until graduation.

What happens to us when I leave?

I’m petrified.

Everything is going to be different:

I leave my parents as empty nesters;

They said they might move.

Where is home even going to be?

My sister had a baby recently.

Am I going to be a good aunt to Benjamin?

My friends are going many different places.

Will we keep in touch?

These are the things that petrify me.

This is me as I am.

Not as I was;

I used to be care-free.

Not as I will be;

I know these troubles will pass.

But as I am.

I am petrified.