Phoenix

May 23, 2014

They left me bittersweet
Exact moments don't exist, only their scars
It all slipped away at a tragic pace.
I was bored, so I set myself on fire
recreated what was left beneath the pile of ash
Became something awfully beautiful.
I emerged in shades of green and gold,
smile on my face
flower in my hair.

Parts of me were still broken
buried beneath ashen regret
Sometimes I visit their graves
Some days, when the moment feels right
I go back to those foggy memories.
It becomes less painful each time
I’m not sure what I’m trying to do
maybe I want to figure out what went wrong.
But in the end
I just leave some new flowers
by the moss covered marble
and take away the old.

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Comments (2)

jg1670May 23, 2014

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. I've never posted my work before now, so I welcome critique. I always struggle with punctuation. Part of me wants to leave it out entirely, but the voice of grammar teachers past remind me that that's utter madness, lol. Still fine tuning, but I think these edits are a step in the right direction.What do you think the moss symbolizes? I like for my symbolism to have an element of open-endedness, so the poem can mean whatever someone needs it to mean. That way, the reader makes it their own.

HereISwearMay 23, 2014

I suggest using less punctuation because of your great enjembment. In the second line each moment don't exist, not exists. I'm wondering as to what the moss symbolises.