Pieces

I thought I had a plan that would so perfectly play out.

The pieces would all fall into place

and my perfect puzzle of life would be complete.

I thought if I studied hard enough the pieces would put themselves together.

that I would never struggle like Mami and Papi.

I thought I was different; life couldn’t let this little girl fail.

But I began to learn... 

I learned that this puzzle did not come with all the pieces.

I learned I had to not only search for, but fight for my pieces. 

So, I had to accept. 

I had to accept that I do not know what overall image I am supposed to create. 

I had to accept that it would take a lot more than studying to accomplish my puzzle. 

I had to accept that losing pieces was inevitable.

And I progressively improved. 

I improved at utilizing my dedication and strength.

I improved at combatting adversity keeping me from success. 

I improved at finding the pieces.

I improved at putting them together.

I improved my understanding and applied it.

But then I failed. 

I failed to find all the pieces.

I failed at putting some together.

I failed at filling the gaps.

I failed to make the perfect puzzle.

... my puzzle started to crumble apart

I walked away from my puzzle.

I just left it in dissary. 

I let pieces keep falling.

...

...

...

(Now do you remember those little kid puzzles? The ones you had to fit shapes into?

You know how sometimes you had the right shaped piece that you had to turn to fit, but you just kept jamming the triangle into the square hole hoping it would fit?) 

I had been desperately jamming like a toddler 

I had been looking for the quick, effortless, conventional solution. 

I came back to the puzzle with renewed hope. 

I may not have all the pieces,

I may not be able to obtain them all,

I may not be able to make them all fit,

I may not create the perfect image,

but I could try.

I could turn the pieces to discover a new, unconventional assembly of the puzzle.

I could make some of my own pieces. 

I could seek help and consult others. 

... and I could complete the puzzle in my own way