Peace in the mind is all I wish for

Joy in the heart, I would love to claim

But it plays games

Making a never ending race

Close enough for me to see it, feel it, need it

But too far to obtain

It mocks me in my face

Because it knows I can’t get it

Someone’s always there to take away my joy

A few minutes of happiness

For days of strain

And no one understands

Because no one sees

And the few that know

Don’t want to believe

There’s got to be something wrong with me

Because I don’t understand

Why Gods put me through the crap I’ve been through

What is his plan?

Why is the hurt I feel important?

What is this going to do for me?

Besides hurt the ones who truly care for me

Because I don’t trust them well enough to treat them right

I mess around with fire

Ignoring the burns

Because I’d rather suffer

Then deal with what I need to get restored

And even with people stretching out their hand

How do I know there’s not a knife in the other?

How can I trust one,

When I couldn’t trust any of the others?

How can I believe a smile,

When my own is fake?

How can I believe in words,

When my own tongue is guilty of spitting game?

I’ve been through the mistakes from misguidance

I’ve experienced the feeling of defeat

I still have the memories of my close enemies.

I remember their lies

I still get that stabbing pain

Whenever I have to look into their eyes

And what’s funny is

I never see their regret

This tells me if they could,

They’d do it all over again

And I’m expected to trust people?!

When I watch their every move

And see the scumbags that lie beneath,

The beautiful mask that cover

Everything they don’t want to be seen??

But I can smell it on their breath

I can see it in their eyes

To give them trust

Would be nothing but stupid mistakes on my side

I don’t know whether to call it bitterness

Or temporally insane

All I know is my mind is running in a million different directions

I wish I could cut it open

And watch my thoughts like a movie

Maybe that way I’d be able to think more clearly

But instead I’m writing on this paper

Trying to explain what I’m feeling

To expose my secrets to the paper

Letting the pain come out through the pen

Hoping that when this is over

I’ll never have to stress on it again

The paper is my eraser

And the pen is my memory

So I pretend to erase everything

As I speak

So I might get a little peace

And if it doesn’t work

Well then I’ll have nothing left to do

But I can’t spend my life crying after

Lost hope

Broken promises

Terrifying dreams

Friends that were suppose to be there for me

….ha…friends

The criteria to be one has a wide range

And I’m know for letting too many in my circle

When they don’t want anything good for me

I give trust to people who don’t deserve it

Then feeling stupid once they destroy it

Not just new ones

But old ones too

The ones you put all your time and energy into

You told them your secrets

Your fears

Your dreams

They know your buttons

You became a team

They held you while you cried

You did the same for them

They supported you

You thought they were your true friend

But people change

So the friendship does too

Maybe because the friendship wasn’t really true

So they lie to your face

Betray your trust

Do something so horrid

So foul

The image stays fresh in your head

Then they have the nerve to lie

Lie on top of everything they did

HA

I didn’t mean anything to you

I was so naive

I thought I was important in your life

But obviously I didn’t mean a thing

And again I didn’t see regret

When I looked into your eyes

I just saw a disgusting scumbag

And felt a tingle inside

I hated you

In ways I can’t clearly explain

I still have dreams of making you pay

For the damage that you caused

Not just to me

But to my family

My life

I was fine until you walked back into my life

And exposed your inner demons that night

I hope your fun turned out nice

For it to be worth so much

And our friendship so little

I no longer see you as a friend

A perverted bastard is all I remember

You make me sick with the memory

I pray I never see you again