pink haired devil

i first saw you beside a window

the sunlight through, flourescent bulbs

made the space around you soft, nostalgic

my childhood's summer,

my own perfect dream

your hair was pink, an innocent color

but your eyes were shallow and clever

and there was no air of innocence around you.

you were rough around the edges

but you covered them with haze

a smog i would see upstairs

locked in a small room,

your eyes crinkled

as you fucked me up slowly

as i admired your brokeness foolishly

a rosy fog had settled

my brain rolled into the groove

so well known

by a so well shattered person

i filled myself with thoughts of you;

a pink haired devil,

my darkened counterpart

"she won't tell, she's friends with charlie"

you made promises to me

you claimed understanding

you pulled me closer to you

only to twist the knife,

previously placed by another.

"i won't leave you"

you tried to end your own life

you didn't tell me

you didn't tell me

you didn't tell me

i was tending to you

on the same day 

and you didn't tell me

"im so sorry i wasnt there"

my brain melted

i felt my lungs collapse

my soul ripped open

and i pushed you in an open wound

still bleeding.

"please don't leave me"

i kept that peice of you with me

holding it close to my heart

close, closer, closest

and all of a sudden

you ripped open the wounds you tended to

and shattered me again

and i clawed at the comfort i was in

desperately holding on

dragged down by the weight of losing you 

you, you, you, again, again,

why again?

and then there was silence

quiet, bloodied silence

as i sat

surrounded by temporary lovers

truly alone

without you

i begged,

i wrote paragraph apon paragraph

words spilling out of me like the blood

cut out of myself because of you

you stopped me from doing this

you told me i needed to heal

and you sickened me again

i told you the truth

what you wanted to hear

and my anger let loose

as i left the scene

of the murder of my trust

once more,

i looked down at myself

and realized that, i too,

had become what i had feared.