Plague of Expectation

You seep away

Into my reserve of affection

That iconic muscle subject to pains of my own obsession

A first glance through a marked window

Couldn’t mask the feeling of the clock running slow

It went on and on, til my mind was completely gone

I am dumb and naïve, I know nothing at all

From pages, the false pretense of love

Gives a rude implication

That In loving you I’ll get reciprocation

I’m still waiting, I’m counting the days

Ever since the one you left and went on your way

For those seconds and weeks I now see wasted

Directed at you but rebounded to the faceless

To take up and devour out of pure hatred,

I’m jealous of these lifeless pips of a higher position

Envious of their abilities to confess while I stand restless

Yet I still stand in the defense of my obsession,

My repressed behavior, stifled to meet the social standard,

Given with the cause to get your attention

Searching, craving a way out into the open for expression

Only to make your long-lasting good impression,

But now you’re gone, all that’s left is a trace of memory

With enough room for regret and unfulfilled fantasies,

Texts litter my outbox,

My love without a destination

No reaping, no spoils, no gratification

My expectations belie the hopelessness

Judgment was clouded, and I believed in consistence

I desired a soft hint, a smile or  hug

Instead I suffer withdrawal from you as my drug

My one dependence for life

The empty hours crawl when I’m by myself

A passing of your tassel from right to left

A shell hardened from paranoid strife

My eyes through their lenses without a vision of meaning

self deprecating vanity keeps me from bleeding,

You’ve stiffened my love into rigid addiction

Turned sideways you see your affect on my ekg

How it builds when I relive these sad memories

But like time and age, eventually it stops

thinking of you my heart always drops

It fades into a faint thrumming

a quiet and gradual receding

Your absence, my loss

My expectation

My plague