Please "dad"

“Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, the number you have dialed is not available. At the tone please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options.” 

This is what I get, over and over as I try to reach you... I remember every voicemail leaving for you…

“Hello, why aren’t you picking up the phone, Are you busy? Where are you? When are you going to come home? Please call me back” 

I called and called but you never answered, did you not notice that I was trying to reach out to you, did you not notice that anything I did was to get your attention? 

I continued to call day after day. Soon those days turned into weeks then weeks turn into months, months turned into years. You were gone for what seemed to be a lifetime. 

“...the number you have dialed is not available. At the tone please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options.” 

Over and over this is what I continued to hear as I dialed and waited for the day you finally decided to pick up the phone…

“ Please, I just want to hear your voice, I want to tell you that I miss you and that I love you, She isn’t mad that you left, maybe you should know that. Maybe that’s why you aren’t picking up the phone. Please just call me back.”

I was so naive to believe that anything I said would make you pick up the phone, that the number of times I called would finally make you pick up the phone, but you never did. 

‘...At the tone please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options.” 

I do not know what more I can do, I don’t understand, what was wrong with me, why was I never enough for you, how are they any better than I am, what makes them so special. Why don’t you pick up the phone, please just call me back, please that’s all I ask. Please.

‘...you may hang up, or press one for more options.” 

This is is, my final message, Years have gone by and you still fail to answer the phone, you fail to even call me back and the worst of it all…

You fail to be my dad.

All the years you’ve gone missing every life memory, for what? What did you gain by having a kid and leaving them? I have finally given up, I finally realized that I don’t need to give you my attention, my time, my effort, my love. 

You don’t deserve the title of being my dad, you never have and never will.

I hope you see me one day and realize all that you missed out, that the strong, caring, loving and independent woman that I have grown to be has had nothing to do with what you did. 

It was all the work of the people who loved and truly cared enough to be apart of my life. 

So please, feel free to call me back, 'cause maybe then you’ll know how it feels to hear 

“Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, the number you have dialed is not available. At the tone please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options.”